All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
