How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
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