I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Randomize
