Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Randomize
