Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
