We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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