May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
