i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize