I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize