I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
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