No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
