when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
