it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
