hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Randomize
