Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
