I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
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