we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
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