I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Randomize
