The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Randomize