Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
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