My boss' voice literally gives me gas
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
