So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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