plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
