i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
