Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
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