believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
