i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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