I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
