I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Randomize