I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
