I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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