The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
