We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Randomize
