Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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