then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
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