did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
