farters have to be the big spoon...
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
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