I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
