Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Randomize
