Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
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