im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
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