He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
