I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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