I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Boobs speak an international language.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Randomize
