You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize