Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Randomize
