I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
