the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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