i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Randomize
