It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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