The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Randomize
