i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
