If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
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