Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
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