You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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