I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
