If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
