ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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