the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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