I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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