No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Randomize
