Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
The Olympian is in my bed
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
