vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
