he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
