yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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